It Must Be Monday – Summer Edition

mustbemonday4:58 AM: Amazon Fresh dropped off a grocery delivery on the front steps. It’s supposed to be “undisturbed”, but try telling that to our overprotective rescue pup. Does she wake the entire household with her barking? Nope, just me. It must be Monday.

“I can’t eat this cereal, it’s Daddy’s.” “I know it’s pink day at camp, but what if no one else is wearing hot pink, like me?” “Stop running around naked and put some clothes on.” “Did you know if you put tape on the dresser it will make it nice and shiny?” (Yep, tape all over the dresser.) It must be Monday.mbm

Two salami sandwiches, one with mayo and one with mustard. Can’t mix them up or no one will eat them. Meant to buy spill-proof water bottles over the weekend. Crap. Filling out camp paperwork at the last minute. It must be Monday.

“I have a tummy ache.” Why? “Because I swallowed the toothpaste.” You know better than to swallow toothpaste. “I know, but it tasted so good!” It must be Monday.mbm2

Why is there a slimy, gelatinous substance on the Lego I just found on my bedroom floor? And why am I touching it? I don’t want to know. Can I rewind the clock and do that last five minutes over differently? It must be Monday.

No clean shorts means creating a pair of cutoffs from a pair of holey jeans. Now youngest wants his shirt to match. Can I just cut the bottom off? No. Just a trim? No. It must be Monday.mbm3

Trying to talk the natural curlyhead into brushing her hair into some semblance of order. “It’s fine.” No, it’s actually kind of scary. “You’re so bossy.” It’s my job. It must be Monday.

“Can you help me put this bandaid on?” Why? You have no cut. “I know. But if I put it on, then if I run into something, it will already be protected.” It must be Monday.mondaycat

I need a laugh folks. Tell me your It Must Be Monday horror stories. Let’s help each other through another Monday.

Just A Regular Morning (This Is Normal, Right?)

You ever get the feeling you are living in a sitcom? You start to wonder where the cameras are hidden because, seriously, this is too crazy to be real life, right? Yeah, that was me this morning.

It started with me swiping a frosted brownie bite for breakfast and stuffing the whole thing in my mouth before the kids could see and demand their fair share. What they don’t know won’t kill ’em. Then coffee…blessed coffee and catching up on email. Holy crap! Little Guy’s teacher sent an email reminding us about early dismissal on Thu. and Fri. When was that decided? Did anyone else know? Thank God I actually read the dang thing. My kids would be the only ones hanging out waiting for the ‘no show’ parent. Good grief!overwhelmed

Let the dog out 15 minutes after she came in the last time. Does she need to pee? No, there are just some insanely awesome smells to investigate on the porch. Kids think if they don’t announce their presence, they can sneak out to the living room and get in a few minutes of video games. Busted! Could Little Guy please go wake up Daddy. Sure. Next thing I know, he’s flipped on the overhead light and screamed at the top of his lungs. What? You asked me to wake him up. Oy!th (1)

Big Sis heads to the bathroom at 7:15 to shower and get ready. 8 AM Little Guy is banging on the door, waiting to brush his teeth. 45 minutes? Really? And she’s only ten years old! What is life going to be like when she’s a teenager? OMG!

Putting lunches together for the kids. I notice the yogurt I just bought yesterday for Little Guy’s lunch expired on Jan. 31st. I throw an extra ice pack in the lunch box and tell myself he’s got a strong stomach. Mother of the year, folks! There is no room on the kitchen counter to maneuver because the dirty dishes still haven’t been loaded into the dishwasher. Big Sis, where are you? I’ll do it. I’ll do it. Sure you will.funny-mom-pic3

I have five minutes before everyone goes out the door for the day. Socks, shoes, coats. What am I doing? Forging a reading list for the month of January for Little Guy’s teacher. Total BS. Do I bother switching out pens to make it look like I was writing everything down the whole month? No time. Make stuff up. I call myself a writer and yet I can barely find time to read to my kindergartner. His sister read to him out of a couple of manga books. That counts, right? Write it down.

They’ve left for school/work. The house is quiet. The dog needs to go out and sniff again. I need another cup of coffee — and maybe another brownie bite. Is it Friday yet?mom1